Teach-Train Your Sons
It can be tough to talk to your sons about sex because traditionally boys have been expected to figure out how to have sex through experience. A hand down her pants, a fumble here and there, and three seconds later, he’s done. Now he’s an expert. Well, times have changed. There’s a lot more at risk then an unwanted pregnancy, now there’s HIV.
So how can you prepare your young men? Keep in mind that the average first sexual encounter of young people within our urban populations is thirteen years of age. So it’s NEVER too early to start talking to your sons about sex. After all, sex is on television, it’s in his music, on his computer, and his friends are doing it. So you owe it to him to be honest and proactive as you prepare him to approach sex with a healthy attitude and with healthy sexual practices. If you train him to do it right, then he will. If you let the world program him, he’ll get it wrong every time.
1) To bring up the topic, tell him about your first experience. Be honest and discuss your thoughts and your feelings. When you talk about yourself, it will make you comfortable with the general topic of sex, and it will make your son realize that you too are human.
2) Explain to him that sex is supposed to be between two people who love and care for each other. The world makes your sons feel like sex is designed to just be about pleasure. Let him know that there is too much at risk for him to engage in random sexual encounters.
3) Show him where the condoms are in the drugstore. Unfortunately in a lot of our neighborhoods, condoms are behind the counter. Most young people and some adults are afraid to ask for them so instead they go without. Go with him to the drugstore and have him ask the attendant for some. Tell him not to be embarrassed because everyone needs to use them. Grab a banana and show him how to use them. I can help you with Proper Condom Usage.
4) Encourage him to masturbate with condoms on. Many people complain that it feels much better without condoms. So if they have the chance to do without them, then they will. If he trains himself early on to ejaculate with a condom on, then he will feel comfortable using one when he is having sex.
5) Do not be afraid to show him pictures. Show him pictures of what normal healthy vaginas and penises look like. Armed with this knowledge, he will be able to recognize when something doesn’t look right.
6) Ask him about sex. Both of you may be embarrassed, but young people want to talk to their parents about sex. If you don t teach it to him the correct way, someone or something else will come around and teach it to him the wrong way. Whenever you see it on TV or hear it in his music, talk to him about it.
7) Teach him to respect women. Let your sons know how women are supposed to be treated. Show him by example. If the men in his life treat the women in their lives poorly, chances are that he will do the same to the women in his life.
8) Let him know that there is much more to sex besides pleasure. Talk to him about how easy it is for women to become pregnant and let him know that it is very easy for him to get HIV and STDs. Let your sons know that it is their responsibility to wear a condom to make sure that his partner doesn’t get pregnant and that neither he nor his partner contract an STD or HIV.
9) Let him know that condoms are for HIV prevention as well Baby Mama prevention. This is why he has to use one ALL the time. Teach him what to do on those days he forgets to use one [Click Here].
10) You can never talk to your kids enough about sex. Share with him your own personal failures and he can learn from your mistakes. Do not think that because you mention these things to him once, that you should not mention them again. He sees sex everyday, so you should remind him of the basics of sex at least as often.