I HAVE A STALKER!
He/She has called twenty times today, they seem to miraculously appear whenever you step out your front door, the text messages are nonstop, and your yahoo account is filled to capacity with poems and jpeg images. . .You have a stalker!
At first it can be flattering to have someone shower you with gifts, complements, and attention. It feels good because we all long to feel appreciated. However, those fuzzy feelings of flattery will quickly fade into fear, disgust, and irritation, as your stalker pushes their obsessions to a completely different and oftentimes violent level.
DIFFERENT TYPES OF STALKERS
1) An Intimate Stalker:
You have been in a previous relationship with this stalker. He/She is a past lover, friend, co-worker, etc.
2) A Delusional Stalker:
You have never had a relationship of any kind with this person. This person is delusional and he/she thinks that the two of you are destined to be connected in some way. He/she will stop at nothing to make that connection with you.
3) Vengeful Stalker:
He/She feels as if you have wronged them and they will stop at nothing to get revenge.
THE PROFILE OF A STALKER
50% of all stalkers are the intimate type. After you make attempts to break off the relationship, or distance yourself from them, he/she cannot deal with the rejection. If you have a stalker, you should take it very seriously. What appears to be an innocent crush, can quickly turn into an unsafe and sometimes violent situation.
You can usually spot a person who has stalker tendencies early on in the relationship. You have to follow your gut feelings on it. If something about him/her does not feel right, chances are, it is not.
1) He/She is Very Immature:
Stalkers love to play games. “I wasn’t on time because you were late last week. ”
In your mind everything seems fine but he/she keeps asking “Is everything OK? Are you mad at me? ”
2) He/She Has Been Unable to Stay in any Intimate Relationships:
Stalkers have had one unsuccessful relationship after another.
3) Stalkers Are Insecure and have Low Self-Esteem:
Stalkers begin to find that the only true value in life is their connection with you. In his/her mind, their world revolves around you, and your presence in their lives makes them feel complete. They will try anything to keep you in their world.
4) Many Stalkers Have a Criminal History:
Stalkers have oftentimes been charged of crimes unrelated to stalking. Any type of criminal conviction should raise some eyebrows.
5) They Abuse Drugs or Alcohol:
Just as they become dependent on the drugs and/or alcohol to make them feel better, he/she has a tendency to become dependant on you to make them feel complete.
HELP! I HAVE A STALKER, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
1) Do Not Minimize it:
It is so easy to act like it is not a big deal. Stalking is very serious. You will prevent a number of issues for yourself if you come to terms with the fact that stalkers can become dangerous and violent.
2) Do Not Be Too Nice:
This is not the time to sugarcoat things. Stalkers are not lonely or hopelessly in love. A majority of stalker are emotionally abusive and controlling during the relationship. This is not love, this is obsession.
3) Say No and Walk Away:
Do not offer any explanations, excuses, consolation prizes, or pity sex. They will only use these actions to manipulate you.
4) Let Your Friends, Family, & Co-Workers Know You Have a Stalker.
These people in your life can act as screeners. Tell everyone in your life that you are being stalked. These people will then help you watch your back.
5) Write Everything Down:
If the situation gets to the point where you have to get a restraining order, you will need to provide the courts with documented evidence of the things your stalker has done, so keep a record.
6) Know The Stalking Laws in Your State:
Most states are very lenient with what they consider to be stalking, and some states have even adopted laws in regards to cyber-stalking. For more information on stalking in your state, visit the Stalking Resource Network.
For more information on stalkers, visit www.stalkingvictims.com