Get in Their Sexual Mind-Who is this Person Really
Get in Their Sexual Mind-Who is this Person Really: You should always want to know whom you are dealing with. Ideally you should have a grasp of a person’s sexual mind before you take him or her on as a sex partner. This will help determine whether or not the two of you are sexually compatible and at the same time it will allow the two of you to keep the lines of communication open. When both of you become comfortable talking openly about sex, sexual fantasies, and sexual exploits, it will build the foundation for a healthier and more loving sexual relationship.
WHY: The following conversation topic list is designed for dual purposes. The topics will provide the two of you with conversation pieces that will help you both to understand each other’s sexual self, and at the same time, the conversation will stimulate the Love Below.
WHERE: Have these conversations when the two of you are able to make eye contact. Don’t do it over the telephone because on the phone it will be easier for one or both of you to lie.
WHEN: These conversations should ideally take place before the two of you have had sex. If you are already involved sexually with the person, there is no time like the present. It will bring the two of you closer.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A ONE NUGHT STAND?
This will allow the two of you to explore how you both feel about random sex with random people. Ask them to recreate the scene for you. Do not become satisfied with a generic, “no,” or “yes.” If they have had one, pull the details out. When you hit curious spots during the story, ask for clarification. Brush up on your own First Date No-Ho’s
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A THREESOME OR AN ORGY?
This topic will probe into his/her feelings about group sex. Is he/she into sharing? Will you be able to handle something like that?
WHAT IS THE WILDEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER HAD SEX?
If he or she tells you that the wildest place was in the bedroom, then you know that there is an issue of creativity. Are you up to the challenge of conducting creativity classes?
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TIED UP DURING SEX?
Have You Ever Tied Someone Else Up? Some people are into being tied up and others want no parts of it. This question will give you some insight on his/her ability to relinquish control. If he/she says, “Hell No!” and it’s your absolute favorite thing; the two of you might run into problems later down the road.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MEN HAVING SEX WITH OTHER MEN & WOMEN HAVING SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN?
This will help to reveal whether he/she homophobic, liberal, or closed-minded. If they use derogatory phrases to refer to people who have same-sex relations, will he/she be talking about you or someone you love?
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD UNPROTECTED SEX WITH SOMEONE?
This topic allows both of you to voice your interests and concerns about unprotected sex. Most people will not be 100% honest in response to this question, but it is a great place to begin to set the framework for a potentially healthy and safer sexual relationship.
HAVE YOU EVER PAID SOMEONE FOR SEX?
Or Has Anyone Ever Paid You For Sex? Who was it? The two of you can have a conversation about sex for loot. Many people think that sex for pay or for some other benefit is rare; in fact it is very common. Payment can take many different forms.
WHAT FANTASY DO YOU MASTURBATE TO? WHEN YOU WATCH PORN, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART?
This will allow you to peer into his/her mind to understand what really turns them on. The imagery that an individual uses to masturbate is usually their ultimate turn on. The part of a porno movie that he/she fast-forwards to is usually his/her favorite part of sex.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX GO DOWN ON YOU?
This question will offend some people, others will lie, and some will tell you the truth. When you introduce the topic into the conversation it accomplishes two things. 1. It tells the individual that you can handle it if he/she has. Many times this information is not revealed because the person does not know how the other will take the news & 2. It lets the other person know that you realize that he/she might be into that type of thing. Click here for tips on how to handle it if you think he/she is on the down low. Maybe you might have bisexual tendencies? Take our Bisexuality Survey and find out!
WHEN WAS YOUR LAST STD/HIV TEST?
If he/she says never, you know what’s next! Suggest that the two of you go together to get tested. If their last test was over six months ago, suggest another one. Every sexually active person should get tested every six months. Know what to expect when you both visit the doctor.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD SEX?
This is important because while you might consider letting him/her hit tonight, they may have been with someone else earlier that same day. Maybe you will want to hold off for a minute.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT WITH A LOVER?
Answers like, “Yes, and I beat that B****’s A**!!!” should be a red flag. This will help you to know where he/she stands on the issue.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANAL SEX?
Anal sex is high-risk sexual activity. Unprotected anal sex is very dangerous. Is anal sex his/her favorite thing? If so you a) know what he/she likes and b) know that he or she partakes in risky sexual activity. It just helps you know with whom you’re dealing with.
HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU HAD SEX WITH?
You should always want to know a little information about a person’s sexual history. Keep in mind that our sexual honesty survey indicates that people will lie to make their number of partners seem lower. However, you will never have safer sex with someone if you have no idea who and how many people they have been with. Make sure you ask about their male and female partners. This applies for both men and women. Take our Sexual Honesty Survey and see how you rank. Would you really tell?