DEPRESSED WITH NO SEX DRIVE
QUESTION
I love my fiance and we have a 17 mo. old son and one on the way. Ever since I had my first child my sex drive went down a lot and I we fight a lot and I am very depressed and also high strung about everything. Do you think that I need prescription drugs for my depression and what about the sex drive? What can I do? He is my soul mate and a blessing in my life I could ask for a better man. I know that he is dying on the inside. Please help!!
DR’S RESPONSE
Thank you for posting your question on DrRachael.com. I am sorry that you have been feeling this way. Have you discussed this with your physician? Have you considered the fact that you might have post-partum depression? It sounds as if you have a lot going on in your personal life that contributes to these feelings: 1) you have a wedding to plan, 2) you have a young son and another along the way, 3) you have a job that I am sure requires a lot from you mentally, 4) you are probably struggling with body-image issues because of the weight you have gained during pregnancy, and 5) you have a fiance with a high sex drive. . .Sometimes in life we encounter emotional lulls and valleys, which require us to get medical help in order to make it to the next step. Since you are currently pregnant, I do not recommend that you get on medication, however, I might suggest that you engage in some type of counseling or therapy to help you maintain your sanity.
Unfortunately, men and some women, really do need to have sex, but more than anything they need attention. If you do not physically feel like having sex with him, you should try other ways to make him feel special. Give him an erotic massage, make him a special dinner, or give him oral sex. The goal is to make him feel special and to make him feel like a king. You can also try to jump start your sex drive by getting a little vibrator and masturbating from time to time. This will increase blood flow to your clitoris, and increase your desire for sexual stimulation.
Since you have a young son, you have to learn how to put him to bed, lock your bedroom door, and spend quality time with your husband. Read erotic stories to each other, rent some racy movies, or go to the adult bookstore and pick up a new sex game. The bad thing about our sex drives is that if we don’t use it, we’ll lose it. So it’s OK to practice turning yourself on so that it will be easier to become turned on by your fiance.
The tough part is that men have needs and sometimes you have to go through great lengths to meet these needs. It is also tough because when you are mad, angry, upset, or hurt, sex is the last thing that you want to have or do. I have provided some links below to articles so that you can understand how your sexual desire cycle works and to provide you with some tips to get your sex drive back. If you love your guy and want him to feel satisfied, you might want to take the Just Do It approach. Even if you do not desire to have sex, initiate it anyway. Once you get started, desire will kick in.
Eventually during the act, you will start to enjoy it. The bad thing is that men really do have a physical and psychological need to have sex. So you should try to meet him halfway. If your cervix is irritated, try shallower positions, oral sex, or an erotic massage/hand-job. Find out what types of things make him cum quickly.
Once you know what will get him quickly, you can use those things to make the experience quick and effective.
