Relationship Issues Gay Bi-Curious

Fingering – The Erotic Massage

The Art of Fingering your partner (An Erotic Massage)

18aa2a27ec52c3e90902d8cfe0d432a3I have noticed that a number of women tell their male partners that he is not allowed to stick his fingers in her vagina. When I first heard one of my patients tell me this I thought that maybe she had a hang up with cleanliness. As I began to interview more and more women, now I understand the issue. Some men are fumbling in the dark and haven’t yet mastered the technique of finger fucking.

Fingering is an important tool because oftentimes you may not feel like doing much more than that. After a long day of work you may be tired, you might have a headache, or you just might not want to have penis to vagina intercourse with the person.  Believe it or not, some women can orgasm just off of hand stimulation.  So here are some tips to help you get it right.

Please remember that the only way for this to really be a SAFE activity is if you wear a glove or finger condoms.  If you don’t like that idea, just make sure you don’t have any open sores or cuts on your fingers.  If one of your fingers has a cut on it, use one of the ones that don’t have any cuts on them.

1)   Ask her to show you.  When the two of you are lying around, ask her to show you how she likes to be touched.  She might get embarrassed at first, but explain to her that the only reason you are asking is because you want to make sure you do it right.

2)   Learn Your Anatomy.  Did you know that a woman’s urine comes out a completely different hole than the one that society has become obsessed with?

3)   Trim your nails and wash your hands.  A woman’s vagina is very sensitive. If your nails are uneven and you scratch her, or your nails are dirty and you give her an infection, she will never allow your fingers to pursue the area again.  Use a nail-brush to get under the nail and use a nail file to keep it smooth.

4)   Do NOT think of the clitoris as a little penis.  Penises are strong and durable. When some men masturbate, the harder the tug and faster they go, the better.  Think of her clitoris as a rose petal.  This way you will always touch it lightly. If you have no idea how she likes to be touched, err on the side of being gentle.

5)   Slide the skin on the shaft of the clitoris to expose the head.  The head of the clitoris is somewhat hidden so you should gently expose the area.

6)   Do not go straight for the clitoris.  Don’t be afraid to gingerly explore the other areas.

7)   Take her hand and place it on yours so she can show you how she likes it.  This is more effective than asking her.  Imagine if she tells you how she wants you to do it, and you may misunderstand.  She might yell “Harder” and you think she means faster. . .Once again a moment ruined because of miscommunication.

8)   To some women the head of the clitoris is too sensitive to be touched.  She will enjoy it better if you simply use your forefinger and your thumb to slide the skin around her clitoris up and down the shaft.  Remember to keep it gentle unless otherwise specified!

9)   Some women like pressure. If you notice, many women will say that they can come from “grinding.”  This is because pressure has been applied to the mon-pubis (the meaty area with hair that begins at the top where the lips end).  Try to massage this area that extends from the top of the clitoris to the edge of the hard bone that lies beneath the hair.

10) As you explore her vagina, move your fingers into the moist area.  When your fingers slide over the exterior of her vagina, let some of her juice lubricate your fingers.  This dampness will allow your fingers to glide over the areas that you touch.

11) NEVER use your own saliva for lubrication.  You see this one a lot in the pornos. Women have very sensitive vaginas.  A glob of saliva mixed with the onion dip might cause an allergic reaction.

12) She’ll let you know if and when she wants your fingers inside of her.  Some women like fingers on the inside of their vaginas and some don’t.  You can apply pressure to the outside of her opening and see if she moves it towards you.  Let her body beg you for it.

13) Let your fingers glide in and take on the shape of her vagina.  People hear the term finger fucking and think it should be rough.  You should caress the walls of her vagina with your finger-tips unless instructed to do otherwise.  A good angle is with the two of you lying in the spoon position (her butt is on your abdomen).  Put your arm around her waist and approach her vagina from above.  Spread her lips apart with two of your fingers, and glide into her vagina.  With this position the heel of your hand will rub her mon-pubis and her clitoris while your fingers penetrate her vagina.  This position allows for you to easily access her G-Spot.

14) Use two or three fingers, not just one.  Penetration with a single finger is sometimes too pointy and narrow.  Most women appreciate the fullness of two or three and complain that one is uncomfortable.  But this too will depend on your partner.