By  |  0 Comments

Everyone has a sexual template or a sexual ideal that develops sometime during adolescence.  This means that each of us has a mental picture of which we have the most sexual attraction towards.

For some, their ideal sex object might be a six-foot tall Black man with a huge Afro, for another, his/her sexual ideal might be a five-foot tall white woman with blond hair, and still another might ultimately have a nine year old as his/her sexual template.  But as you have probably come to figure out by now, oftentimes we do not end up having sex with our template, but instead we end up with variations of the ideal.

This is what is meant when people say that there is a lot of gray area in sexuality.  Just because you find ultimate satisfaction with a male partner, does not mean that you will not be able to become sexually aroused by a female and vice versa.  This explains how someone who is mostly sexually and mentally attracted to members of the opposite sex will manage to become sexually attracted to members of the same sex.

The gray area of sexuality confuses so many people and as a result it is often difficult for people to imagine how someone can be “gay” if they have ever had sex with a member of the opposite sex.  “Girl, he’s not gay, he has six kids!” It is also difficult for one to imagine how a “straight” person can have sex with a person of the same sex, “Girl, we had great sex! I know he’s attracted to women.”

You have to understand that when someone has sex with someone of the opposite sex, that does not mean that he or she cannot have sex that is just as good with someone of the same sex, and vice versa.

You never know what another person’s sexual template is and at the same time you cannot look at someone and determine whether or not he or she is attracted to men and women, only women, or only men.  Since you can never judge a book by its cover.  Never assume anything!

When in doubt, look him/her in the eyes and ask, “Are you attracted to both men and women?” “Have you ever had sex with another man/woman?”  Be direct and be serious!  Take safer sex precautions with everyone, and NEVER assume that he or she is either too feminine or too masculine to “get down” with members of the same or of the opposite sex.

As a medical doctor and a sexologist, Dr. Rachael Ross has been heralded by the Chicago Tribune as the next Dr. Ruth, the nationally renowned sexual therapist who pioneered frank sex talk.

Open Popup