Instinct is everything. If it feels like they are cheating because something doesn’t feel right, then it’s not . . .period.
ARE YOU TWO ON THE SAME PAGE?
Make sure that both of you are looking for the same things. Is one of you into it for the weekend rendezvous and the other for the long haul? Figure it out early or else you will waste a lot of time and energy. Twelve months of a long distance relationship is really only about sixty days if you guys average two visits per month. It is really only thirty days if you average one visit per month. Time flies when distance is involved.
WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP?
Decide early on what you are looking for. If you are looking for a long-term commitment then one of you will have to relocate at some point. Will you move or will the other person move? If neither one of you ever wants to relocate, how will it work?
WHERE DOES YOUR PARTNER SPEND THEIR FREE TIME?
In long distance relationships it is very easy for one person to maintain relationships with other people. Ask lots of questions. If the answers don’t make sense, you are probably onto something.
ARE THEY ALWAYS INVOLVED IN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?
This should be a red flag. Anytime someone specifically searches for long distance relationships, it is usually because long-distance fits into their lifestyle better. They do not have to see the person very often which makes it easier for them to be involved in things like: other relationships, same-sex relationships, marriages, isolation, and underground secret lives. People, who have one long-distance relationship after the other generally LIKE the fact that their significant other is thousands of miles away, find out why.
DO YOU KNOW OR HAVE ACCESS TO THEIR HOME NUMBER OR ADDRESS?
In the age of mobile phones some people simply do not have a home phone. Oftentimes however the person really has a home phone but does not want you to have the number. Do a little research. Call information and see if they are listed. If so, he/she has a home phone, but for some reason they do not want you to have it. You should certainly wonder why.
A YEAR LONG RELATIONSHIP THAT IS LONG DISTANCE, IS ONLY A 30DAY ONE. ALWAYS Protect Yourself: When you are in a relationship where you see someone on an average of four days a month, that leaves 26 days each month for that person to do whatever it is that pleases them. That is too much time. Ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 how much do you trust this person? If you score a 7 or less, make sure you protect yourself. Even if you have been together for a year (which is really just 30 days if you count the days the two of you have been together), you should still protect yourself. Your partner should respect you for that. Don’t play yourself! Women have an arsenal of things to protect themselves with. See our section on the female condom, a protective lining for your vagina, you cannot beat that! Fellas you have to use condoms EVERY time. Men report that when their female partner uses a female condom, the experience feels like it’s raw . . .ask her to try one.
DO THEY AVOID ALLOWING YOU TO COME OVER TO THEIR HOUSE?
When the Two of You Meet For A Rendezvous In His/Her Town, Is It Always At a Hotel? If you are going to visit him/her and they ALWAYS want to meet in the hotel. You should wonder why they do not want you to come spend time at their house or apartment. The same can be said if he/she ALWAYS wants to meet out of town. What are they hiding?
WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE HOLIDAYS?
Do They Make An Effort to Arrange Visits For Important Holidays & Events, Or Do They Make Excuses? If they do not spend time with you during holidays and special occasions, you should wonder whom they are really spending that time with.
CONTINUE TO GET TESTED
HIV Checks Every Six Months: The Number One reason for Black women between the ages of 25-44 to die is AIDS. We don’t get strangled, shot, or bludgeoned, we f*** ourselves into oblivion. So the both of you should schedule checks as a ritual part of the relationship, it’s only fair.
DOES YOUR PARTNER MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO SEE YOU AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THEM?
Does He/She Make a True Effort to See You or Do They Make Lots of Excuses? How often do they make attempts to see you? If he/she is REALLY into you they should make time to visit. If they do not make arrangement to see you, you should wonder why.
This list is designed to open your mind to the possibility that things are not always what they seem. You must go out of your way to protect yourself. Go with your gut feelings and the rest will fall into place.